i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
