Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
