I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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