i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
