i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
