You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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