Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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