i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
