On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
