You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
