Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
