I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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