I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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