Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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