So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize