After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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