I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
