when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
