There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
