Non-Jews are for practice
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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