That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
