Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
