Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
