Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
