i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
