You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
