dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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