sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize