During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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