I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you remember whose house we're in?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
