My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
