i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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