my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
