dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
