Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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