I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
