i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
