I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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