mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
