Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
