You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
