i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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