someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
