My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
