Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
