Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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