Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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