Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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