yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
