He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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