never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
