She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize