My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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