I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
