we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
