drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
