listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize