I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
