I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
