im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
