i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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