That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
