she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
