Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
