I faked an abortion last night.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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