Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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