This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
