I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So many bounce houses so little time
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Im part way to drunk.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
