Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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