i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
