He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
