The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
