Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
