The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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