i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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