Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
