We named our party play list daddy issues
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
