she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize