the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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