i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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