my shit smells like andre
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
