i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your cock deserves a montage
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
