Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
