I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
