Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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