I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
