im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Small penises have feelings too.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
