she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
